What About When There’s no Tailwind?
Things are going to get hard, they’re going to get difficult. Sometimes, things are going to be tough. There’s going to be days when you feel like you have a tailwind, and there’s going to be days where you feel like you’re dragging yourself through the day on your face. How do you stay motivated and consistent when things get hard?
Ask Yourself WHY
Asking yourself “how” you stay consistent can be the wrong question. Ask yourself WHY you stay consistent.
There’s going to be days where life is messy and difficult. Your vision is going to seem impractical and like a far-off dream. On these days, your goals are going to seem more like impediments to getting through the day than what’s actually directing you towards your vision and your purpose. On tough days, old habits and unhelpful thought patterns often rear their ugly heads.
In moments like this, when you’re tired, frustrated, or angry – ask yourself WHY you stay consistent. Don’t ask how you can stay consistent, ask WHY you stay consistent. Then take whatever imperfect action you can in the direction of your vision and your purpose.
This will help to recenter you on your vision and your purpose. This isn’t meant to pressure you into being perfect. Your actions may often be messy and imperfect, but they can always be directed towards your vision and your purpose.
Find Your WHY
When we ask “how” we can do something, we often get wrapped up in how impossible or impractical it seems in the moment. Asking the wrong question can get us stuck. Asking WHY attaches what you’re doing to a strong emotion and reason.
One method of finding and understanding your why is the “5 Whys Method.” This is as simple as it sounds. Ask yourself why you’re doing something. Then ask yourself why again about that answer. Then ask yourself why again for that answer. Repeat this until you’ve gone at least 5 levels deep.
A Personal Example
Here’s a personal example about one of the reasons I want to be healthy and fit.
- Why do I want to be healthy and fit? So that I can spend time with my family doing things we love.
- Why do I want to spend time doing things we love with my family? Because being with my family brings me a sense of belonging and joy.
- Why does being with my family bring me a sense of belonging and joy? Because we remind each other of the best parts of ourselves.
- Why do we remind each other of the best parts of ourselves? Because we show up for each other.
- Why do you show up for each other? Because they deserve the best of me.
This simple example illustrates how the 5 Whys helps me to remind myself WHY I stay healthy and fit, not how I can do it. When things get rough, I can ask myself WHY I’m doing what I’m doing, not how I can do it.
Now when I’m tempted to be lazy or not eat healthy and lose this stubborn weight, I don’t need to ask myself “How can I possibly do this right now? I’m so overwhelmed.” I can ask myself “WHY will I do this right now, even though I’m overwhelmed?” It’s a different focus. I’m focused on what’s truly important to me, not what’s frustrating me at the moment. I can confidentially answer with “Because my family deserves the best of me.”
Your WHYs will be specific to you when you do this exercise. Take the time to explore this in your journal.
Another Personal Example
Here’s another example from my own life. I recognized that I’d been spending more time than usual on my phone. Working my way through the 5 Whys helped me to discover some insights.
- Why do I spend so much time on my phone? To distract me from the things I know I should be doing.
- Why do I need the distraction? I feel overwhelmed.
- Why do I feel so overwhelmed? Because I can’t keep up with all of the simultaneous demands of life.
- Why can’t I keep up with the simultaneous demands of life? I don’t feel like I’m approaching things with a clear mind.
- Why am I not approaching things with a clear mind? Because I’ve been skipping on my morning workouts, meditation, and journaling.
- Why am I skipping on my morning workouts, meditation, and journaling? Because I’ve been going to bed late, and scrolling on my phone.
It took me 6 levels of why to get to where I feel like I’m probably at an actionable root cause. I’m also recognizing a few things. In reflection, I can see that my morning routine is important to me. I’ve been rushing though my days, reacting to others’ expectations and needs, and not my own. I’ve also been up late scrolling on my phone. Getting to bed earlier and giving myself time to do my morning routine would probably help me to feel less overwhelmed, helping me to spend less time on my phone.
This is a simple example of how the 5 Whys can help to uncover insights into why things might be happening.
Take some time to walk through this exercise with yourself and journal your answers and personal insights. You may even find it helpful to talk this through with a friend or loved one.
What if You’ve Already Slipped Up?
Everybody slips up. The trick is to not repeat the mistake over and over. You’re going to struggle. We all do. It’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with those around you. Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes you’ve made. Use them as stepping stones to become stronger. Next time you’re faced with a situation, remember to ask WHY you stay consistent, not how you do it.
Discover Potential Patterns
With time, you may discover that you struggle more than you think you should. In these moments, take some time to be present. Write down your thoughts. When you’re in a better state of mind, it’s worth reviewing these moments. Is there a pattern to them? Do they potentially reveal something that you’re not addressing? Is there a goal, objective, strategy, action, or habit that would help you to address these moments?
What if it’s Too Overwhelming?
Sometimes when things get hard, it’ll be because what you’re trying to do seems impossibly big or complicated. From time to time, things will seem like they are truly overwhelming. When this happens, consider breaking down your challenge or goal into more manageable steps. Perhaps the reason that things are so hard is because you’re trying to accomplish too much at once, or because you don’t know what part you should be focused on.
Find a way to break things down into smaller goals or break your goals into more objectives. Oftentimes, we can find a way to break goals into multiple objectives, and then focus on a single objective at a time. This will still give us a sense of progress, helping us to continue to move forward.
Sometimes We Need Professional Help
Sometimes, it’s worth considering that you may legitimately need to seek professional help. If you’re having thoughts that lead you to believe that you may need to explore options to get help, please do. Contact friends, family, a medical professional, a therapist, or a crisis hotline or resource.
Growth, not Perfection
Remember, progress is about growth, not perfection. You won’t always feel a tailwind. Sometimes you will, and when you do, you should enjoy it and put it to use. But, when things are tough, remember to ask yourself WHY you stay consistent. It can be helpful to ask yourself WHY, not how.
You’ve got this.
Header image photo by kaleb tapp on Unsplash
